The Secret Imperial Document
by hillstar
Summary: While searching secret documents recovered from the Empire, rebels Leia and Han discover one document that is truly top-secret: Vader's old diary! How will they react to his terrible teenage love poetry?


In the Rebel Alliance headquarters, Han and Lei searched through a box of secret documents that rebels had recovered during recent reconnaissance missions. Most of the documents were data-pads containing lists of Empire contacts and holograms showing designs for new super weapons. Together, Leia and Han kept a record of everything that might provide clues to Darth Vader's latest plans.

At the very bottom of the stack they found, however, one document that was not a data-pad or a hologram. On the outside it had a sticker labeling it "top secret." On the inside the notebook contained doodles of stars, lightsabres, and hearts with the "A+P" scribbled inside.

"What is that?" asked Leia cautiously, noting the confused look on Han's face.

"It's…it's… I think it's supposed to be _poetry…" _Hans said. He read the first page of the notebook aloud with bewilderment in his voice.

"Your lips are red  
Like two red lightsabers  
Your hair is dark  
Like the vast darkness of space  
Your eyes are bright  
Like exploding star systems  
Your body is mysterious yet alluring  
Like a forbidden power  
If I had executive decision-making abilities  
My first decision would be to give you my heart  
Padme, you are more than my galaxy  
You are my entire universe."

"Wow, that's pretty sappy. I didn't know Imperials had a romantic side," said Han.

"Wait, _Padme?_ Wasn't there a Padme who was queen of Naboo at some point?" asked Leia.

"Really? I've never heard of her," replied Han. He flipped on the next poem and recited it with a voice that sounded even more confused.

"Oh Padme, there are so many ways  
You are better than sand.  
The sand is bristly  
But Padme is smooth.  
The sand is salty  
But Padme is sweet.  
The sand is stinky  
But Padme smells nice.  
Sand is really hot  
And Padme is hot too.  
That's actually something sand  
And Padme have in common.  
There is a lot of sand  
But there is only one Padme."

"Why would someone compare a woman to sand? Who_ does_ that?"

"I don't know, it is kind of strange..." said Leia. "Maybe someone who was around sand a lot?"

On the opposite page, there was another short poem.

"If I could destroy only one star in the entire universe  
It would be the sun of Naboo  
Because that is the star that is always putting an end  
To my secret nights of passion with beautiful Padme  
If only the cruel sun of Naboo would never rise again  
Then we could be together forever."

"That one's an _aubade_," observed Leia.

"Yeah, whatever," said Han, "I don't know that much about poetry. Well, okay, I can tell the next one's an acrostic.

'_P is for Pretty.  
__A is for Athletic  
__D is for Dangerously Sexy  
__M is for Mind-blowingly Sexy  
__E is for Extra Super Sexy _'"

"I don't think I can read much more of this," said Hans, feeling embarrassed for whoever had written the poems.

"Wait, how many poems are in this document?"

"It looks like the entire notebook is filled with them. It has be some kind of diary," said Han, "Maybe you should write a poem about me, Leia."

"_I _should write a poem about _you?" _Leia gave him one of her who-do-you-think-you-are expressions._ "_How about this:

_H is for 'Hopeless'_

_A is for 'Annoying'_

_N is for 'Nerf-Herder' _

_S is for 'Scoundrel'" _

"Awww, you think I'm a scoundrel…" Han smirked and winked at her. Leia swatted him on the shoulder, rolled her eyes, and took the document from him.

"Just promise you'll never write anything this cheesy about me."

"You wish, princess."

They finished going over the confiscated materials and Leia read through the rest of the notebook, confirming that, indeed, there was nothing else it in but flowery poetry from an unknown source.

Later that night, as Hans was alone in his room, Hans took out a pencil and a notebook from the bag by his bed. "Hmmm…" he muttered to himself as he began to write.

"_Leia Organa  
__She is the princess  
__I really wanna  
__Meet in a sauna."_

"What else rhymes with 'Organa'?" thought Han, but he couldn't think of anything else that would rhyme.


End file.
